The miserable poetry of Agario (erotic fanfiction)


Shat out. Perhaps you’re An Unnamed Cell, perhaps you’ve named yourself 🎃🙈☭✂💀☁ or some such derivative. A small dot with a gloopy outline vibrating in small waves. Mindlessly zigzagging consuming smaller asymmetrically-edged game generated NPC dots or ‘mass’. Fast and vulnerable, growing painfully slowly, often chased by larger players, chases mostly abandoned , sometimes not, killed and regenerated multiple times, chased again. Always chased or about to be chased. Small enough to hide behind viruses. Still consuming game generated dots, slower now, big enough to split your mass, and assimilate smaller players. Splitting makes you a vulnerable and tempting kill for others to split into and assimilate. Floating, vulnerable, hungry looking for a mess of game generated mass to harvest, to increase your mass and reassimilate your split self, resqueezing into one. More splitting, now more calculated, riskier, smaller players dart around you bravely in their knowingly untempting state, or panicked darting, hiding in viruses, viruses are now lethal to you, make you burst into multiple dots of mass, all with your name. Floating not so fun now, a brightly coloured mass fills part of your screen, bright green, or blue, or red, or yellow, the face of Putin, Boris Johnson, Barack Obama, Doge, the state of Indiana, Doge, a Pentagram handdrawn, 4chan, 8 chan, an 8 ball, Facebook, Earth, the Moon, Sanik, Pikachu. Engorged with kills and cartoon dread. You move in the opposite direction, you may be assimilated, regenerate, your death may be pure accident, a larger player splitting unknowingly or indifferently headed in your direction, their hunger to increase mass or a panicked chase assimilating your mass. Tangents of hunger, survival, panic, or a combination, crisscrossing. You are fat and slow. You’ve zoomed out on the map to accommodate, surrounded by names. Satanist, Need A Bro?, cheezyman, I WILL EAT YOU, {PRO} team, FEED ME, I will feed U, [ƵŦ] trezan, 〖ƝƁƘ〗ARIEL, [NBK] Prolvl55, Fat Ba$tard, twitch, AgarHero, poland, MagmaYT, PressW, cia, IRS, trollface, POLICE, David Cameron. Splitting and reassimilating being the most efficient accumulation of mass. Having a Bro a cannibalistic ally, being the most efficient, sharing mass, consuming, splitting, feeding. Feeding is a less efficient distribution of mass, teamed cannibalism of splitting the most efficient, one player martyring on a virus and reconsumed by another, a too and fro of exploding, martyring, regurgitation. You might not have a Bro or you might have a spontaneous and temporary alliance, which ends for no reason as you float along an invisible chaotic web bored, panicked and indifferent tangents. Even bigger now, fat with death, painfully slow, avoiding viruses, vulnerable to someone shooting a virus at you. Chases are slower, forced to splIt between viruses, squeezed into corners, your mass slowly overlapped by the quivering outline of another player feeding on you until there is nothing left of you but a respawning screen. Or you find yourself on the leaderboard, at the top of the leaderboard, a big, stupid mass, with a big stupid name wondering what you are doing with your life, eyes floating to the other open tabs, to unfinished job application forms, timed out online banking paying a bill, your email spam folder, Facebook, some articles you will never half scan. Distracted you burst on a virus, exploded, your big stupid name now dozens of smaller stupid names, consumed by brightly coloured masses feeding on your mistake. You respawn. now available on mobile. Get it NOW for FREE!

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autodespair

@autodespair

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