Nigel Farage emerged from the light aircraft crash, blood streaked across his face, his tweed shredded – an overenthusiastic business meeting at a zoo’s panther enclosure, the contours of the Polish-made Wilga 35A controls imprinted as a map of bruises over his sternum. Within this bio-etching the embossed details of a pound coin formed a distinct ring next to his nipple.
Farage walked for miles from the desert of Hinton-on-the-Hedges into a Bluewater shopping centre, muttering the numerological significance of IP addresses. The shoppers gathered around the preacher, live-tweeting their misreadings, within minutes #UKIP started trending. A Newsnight social media researcher booked the injured messiah for the next show.